In order to be happy in a relationship, one must first be happy alone. Being alone promotes the personal growth that is necessary to a healthy, mature relationship.
I can’t tell you how many friends, male and female, have bemoaned their single status to me. As a single lady, I’ve been tempted to do the same, but I’ve had the luck to learn from the mistakes and misfortunes of others.
I have seen many otherwise intelligent individuals jump into a physical and emotional relationship with someone they hardly knew simply because they couldn’t stand to be single. They were so eager to run rampant with a stranger that it made me wonder what they were running from.
The thought of being alone frightens many people, but those who let that fear drive them to entering or remaining in abusive or reckless relationships are crippled by something that is meant to empower them.
Consider it—when in a significant relationship, you have the strengths of two people to depend on. When single, you must find all that strength in yourself. Exploring the limits of your endurance enables you to use your full strength, something that few people ever do.
In a relationship, you have the skill sets of two different people to make your life easier. When you are alone, you must learn those skills to survive, making you a more knowledgeable and useful person.
In a relationship, you have the perspectives of two separate life experiences, making one’s viewpoint more broad and accurate. When you are unattached, you have to develop the skill of seeing through another’s eyes on your own. This makes you wiser and improves your ability to communicate effectively with others.
In a relationship, you may depend on others to make you happy. When you are alone, you learn that happiness comes from within and is not dependent upon the acts of others. Once you take responsibility for your own happiness you begin to take steps to fulfill your desire for happiness, often by pursuing your dreams and becoming a more successful person
Being able to control your life through your strength, skill, perspective and attitude makes you independent. While no one respects or pursues a clingy, needy individual, everyone respects and wants to be with a strong and motivated individual.
If you are in good company even when alone, then loneliness is nothing to fear. If you are not desperate to be in a relationship, then you can take your time and choose to pursue a relationship—or not.
If you are dependent on relationships, you will take a bad and unhealthy relationship over no relationship at all. Choose to become independent and free yourself from that addictive cycle. Then, you are able to form mature, trusting, respectful relationships with individuals as independent as yourself.
Those who think that respect is dependent upon being desirable to someone else would do well to learn that the happiest individuals are the ones who are respected by and desirable to themselves.
Rachel Bowler
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